Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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