...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Dignity is for republicans.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize