You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize