I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Randomize
