It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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