Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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