I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
