I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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