Sry I called you an 8
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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