nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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