4 words: hood of his car
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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