get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
