Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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