Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You took a bar mat shot.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
