Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
