I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
