Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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