I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize