Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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