its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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