So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
