I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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