Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
