my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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