last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
