I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
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