TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize