apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
