Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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