escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
