i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Randomize
