He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
