I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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