just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I have fence marks all over my body
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
