if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize