Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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