saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
