I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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