Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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