he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
