Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
