the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
