shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
