Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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