So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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