he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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