Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
