Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
im holly from the hills drunk
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
