he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
