Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
