If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
