The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
