So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
only if we run a train.
done.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
