His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
