We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
