Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
me + whiskey = a bad person
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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