dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
