I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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