Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
