I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
