what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
