Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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