Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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