My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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