I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
