If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
