im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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