I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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