a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
