During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
