The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
