I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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