Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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