i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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