The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
