I'm drive I can fine osifer
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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