I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
