thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I will pee on everything he values.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
If I die, sorry about rent.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize