Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Randomize
