Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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